I offer my love
a cup of green tea
tm
a sign in the leaves,
blue sky less hazy
b
smiling
while tea picking-
yellow teeth
gj
sipping slowly
my mind begins to drift
ec
crushed by the weight ~
memories of
moonlit snow
tm
just the right jigglement,
fishing through thick ice
b
haiku drill...
wake up
listen to the birds
gj
a new day unfolding,
I bow to the east
ec
sake at noon ~
questioning everything
I once knew
tm
a slow dance...
watching in the mirror
b
desolate window,
too frightened, wrong way
little bird
gj
crisp moon...
out walking in my down vest
ec
at daybreak
black geese depart
from this shore
tm
under the porch light
dad calls us all in
b
oiled wood-
puddles of rain
so separate
gj
her peacock feather earrings,
the new spring line
ec
all tangled
in blossom scented sheets,
laundry day
tm
wafting soap bubbles
lead us out of the forest
b
light shafts above
-a break in the pattern
releases the soul
ec
a sun dagger motif
and the smell of hail
gj
turbulence
forcing the plane higher
...photo of his wife
tm
their old 'kettle whistles-
one chipped cup
b
long shadows,
the cicada's song
winding down
ec
family on the mountain road,
a little cuckoo
gj
the mantel clock
ticks incessantly,
a fly in my coffee
tm
afloat on the tranquil sea,
baby's first breaststroke
b
here nor there,
the balsa wood raft
rocks me to sleep
ec
awakened by the milky way,
so it seems
gj
autumn colors
fade into gray,
waxing moon
tm
confiding in the scarecrow
a vow to change the world
b
pandemic,
the stranger's smile
contagious
ec
face off...
demon mask in the temple
gj
white cranes
practicing tadasana,
the misty lagoon
tm
writing in silence
with invisible ink
b
inspiration...
blossoms fall on my empty page
ever so softly
ec
i can hear you
many baby birds
gj
begun on April 29, 2009
completed May 6, 2009
T. Migratorius verses 1, 5, 9, 13, 17, 21, 25, 29, 33
Bandit verses 2, 6, 10, 14, 18, 22, 26, 30, 34
GovindaJohn verses 3, 7, 11, 15, 20, 24, 28, 32, 36
El Coyote verses 4, 8, 12, 16, 19, 23, 27, 31, 35
Green Tea and Bird Song dot blogspot dot com
69 comments:
Sorry guys-it was a day.
Yes, that's correct, T.
Thanks for your patience.
green tea is served
to the renga poets
a robin sings...
I'm so excited! Nice start TM! The hokku can be a bit daunting eh? So glad to be working on this project with you and so many wonderful poets!!!
spring dawn
a ghost above
my teacup
A question to all...
As I continue to browse the incredible renga related blog links provided by Bandit of Haikunaut and Phinaes' translations, I see the renga links differently each time. I wonder if I'm too concerned about linking verses, not only here in this kasen but all other previous renku, and missing that wonderful jump the mind can make with subtle links. I consider myself a complete novice and appreciate any and all discussion. I admire all of your work and would value feedback.
Thanks-
another thought...
I can get pretty out there and vague (it all makes sense to me), so I've purposefully tried to pull that in and "link" with more connection, but I'm wondering if that pendulum has swung to far in the other direction.
John,
I think you make a good point. I've only just returned to read the beginning verses and was thinking we could shift farther afield.
Then I remembered we are only in the preface portion, and like any "party" things are just beginning to loosen up.
Add to mix we are all just starting our study of this marvelous form, and hardly know one another, Ah, well...
A toast to my new friends!
good point Willie. Just the intro-build up. I can see coyote keeps making new links. Third revision and its brilliant. Each one has been so interesting. from a mug to the mind.... another?
Of course, being a bit "old school" in my thinking, I dearly loved T's respectful opening verse.
You might note the Haikunauts are working without an outline as far as I can tell, which makes the shift extremely exciting.
Their moderator seems like an old hand though, with a sound knowledge of renku.
I think we'll have to take up a truly free-form renku one of these days; we probably won't have to wait long, as everyone here is becoming adept and familiar so quickly.
I did notice some revisions of
submission there, mostly to avoid repeating words or phrases of another poet.
hey thanks John.... ha! you guys get to watch my thought processes really unfold! I agree with willie... its just the intro, it'll take form soon enough! I think a continuous theme is important but individual links, puns, etc are half the fun! Keep up the good work y'all!
I am finding all your comments interesting. I am the most uneducated in Renga of you all...
I will try to find time to take a look at the sites for more research. I recently read RH Blyth Vol. 1 and there is a short chapter on Renku. Basicly, he said that it is a record of changing scenes and moods. Each verse is related to the verse before and after, but not to those at a distance. The Hokku sets the ball rolling, the 2nd verse fulfills the feeling of the hokku and fills out the picture (which Bandit did perfectly!). Verse 3 brings about a change translating it to some new realm of poetic experience or imagination. The third usually ends with an -ing thus leading the poem away from the hokku into new pastures (which John did so perfectly as well!). He said renku is a record of changing scenes and moods. And...all over again! I also, appreciate input as we go along...
entirely technical problem.... I cannot seem to keep a space between Bandit's post and mine. Everytime I type in a space then click post, it appears on the blog without a space. I've repeated this numerous times and have now entered a period (.) in the space which does retain that space but includes the period. goofy. Any help?
try
, that may work???
ya know on Craiglist when there is a break in the page the use a symbol but I can't enter it w/o it breaking the page... letters b&r in the middle of<>
thanks coyote. will try, but looks cleaner now. nice moon verse.
I went to edit and removed all extraneous html code and spaced the verses-I don't know where the codes emanate from, though I often see them in your and other's additions. I can only assume it is the key entry of the individual author, at this point.
I have not tryed the help command provided by Blogger. The comment section won't allow the html code to be written here!
ghost story-
dad pokes his head in
the tent
Two wonderful comments!
Actually, the html (what's an html?; i'm just reading from context) is div/ enclosed in those angular brackets:
smoke and mirrors
the illusionist
tricks the eye
to clarify:
the code I discovered in abundance
was the one I deleted, but it was not present at every edit-didn't mean to imply you insert "the code we dare not mention."
Question... Is there a time factor for getting our 'ku in? Last night before going to bed I took a peek, saw it was my turn again and proceeded to have writer's block. I posted my best shot even though I was not satisfied with it. I was unhappy with the fact that I cannot seem to link the prior verse without a close match. This is my first Renku and I have trouble staying too close to the prior person's story. Then, this morning after Bandit had posted, I realized I probably had a better idea formulating after literally "sleeping on it". How much pressure should I feel getting these out timewise for the next person to begin?
ps, just an FYI... I had trouble posing the sake ku yesterday. I repeated got an error message, which was not explained in the google help area. (they are such a big help(not). I had to reboot before I was able to post.
take your time tm! Go back and revise too if you want...
Yes T, I feel the same as coyote, take your time, revise, whatever... I know that bandit, coyote and myself can get into a hot potato contest. Boys...
Thanks guys...
I may revise later..
I was wondering if I revised after everyone made a new post if I would create a domino effect and mess everyone up!
Will get back to this later today sometime... enjoy your day!
Your comment interested me TM; perhaps not so close a link is neccessary, but rather a departure;
e.g., you say animal, dawn and dark, I had a thought of people, evening and light-actually, it was birds of a species calling one another, a block apart, that reminded me of my dad's whistle (he couldn't or disdained yelling for me) to come on home.
A personal association combined with that verse in an unfocused moment.
And John's 'oiled wood'; so beatifully sabi, combined with the 'puddles so seperate'.
The puddles represented to me all the little kids in the neighborhood, past and present, each so different. The slightest of links-a wooden tongue and groove porch floor.
El C-what have you got on?
Just kidding! A wonderful link!
Just the difference, or separateness, of one's taste, and a marvelously ingenious kigo, it took us in an entirely different direction.
Yeah, John, you say pot-tay-to, I say po-tah-to, but that's what makes this pot-luck salad so tasty!
I know its a little off topic... it just popped into my head... perhaps I'll change to peacock feathers to stay more on topic??
I think that works better than the leopard print handbag, although I like that line for some strange reason?? But I like the rendition better. I was also thinking about changing my previous entry of down comforter to vest maybe or a pice of clothing to make spring line seem more relevant... ideas/ thoughts anyone?
Off-topic is great-peacock feather earrings is more greater.
...and I find 'out walking' to be more accessible and natural sounding.
thanks duder! I like to go back and make renditions, taking something out and then having to think of something entirely new adjusting it with all that was written afterward. It's like searching for the right puzzle piece!
Hey coyote-
Do you want to change up...? I'll take the short verses, you go long? If so, you take 19 and I'll take 20. I like the peacock feather.
sounds good john, I'll take the #3 slot.
Thanks for the comments...I am really trying to get the theory of renku jump/links. I love to see where everyones imaginations are taking them. Yes, I agree...the oiled wood, the peacock feathers...it is all flowing really nicely. I probably won't change the goose verse now. It is starting to grow on me. I was thinking of referring to the milky way this morning for an autumn reference, but I think this could upset the cart at this point.
another question:
form... I like to stagger my verses. It just looks more right to me (sometimes) than a left line justification. Is it best to keep all the verses uniform? What about the use of dashes? Mine are different, and at times we use them and at times we don't. Does that matter?
The dashes for me are inconsistent still-one of my mentors insists that punctuation be used, like ya, a Japanese cutting word, although I often hope my writing is clear enough that the reader can discern a 'cut'.
I'm a little obsessive-compulsive, too, and prefer uniformity. Must be from thirty years of taping drywall. But that job's easy-all ya gotta do is follow the lines!
I do recall every Japanese garden
needs a little asymmetry-makes up for when you confuse the bulbs!
TM, I love the goose verse! As for swaggering, I think sometimes it adds character to the haiku itself... its not only content but deliverance as well, which means placement of words, etc. :)
Ah! your answer was no answer Bandit! I have read so many opinions on the dash it makes my head spin. I think it should be clear without it, but I just can't seem to help myself at times.... Maybe in the future the host or 'master' could decide on proper form, etc. Don't the Amish put a flaw in their craftwork because only God's work should be perfect?
As for staggering, i only recently learned how by accidently observing your 'ku in its draft, TM.
Swaggering, El C? I already am a cocky SOB, as you well know.
Thanks EC...You guys are so clever and witty with your verses. I have been reading so many traditional haiku books of the old masters, that it has greatly influenced my style. I have noticed that living out here in the country really brings out the more reserved, natural (traditinal) style of writing out in me also. It comes easier to me than more contemprary thoughts it seems. I also love how haiku can look with creative placement of words.
I love that analogy, TM.
I'd say leave it for the next renku and artfully stagger every other verse-otherwise should we return and stagger lines in previous verses? I ask that in a most respectful fashion.
Plus, as a mediocre typist, I find it time consuming without practice.
(jack of all trades; master of none)
Bandit..yes, I have toyed with the staggered verse here on this blog-but thought better of it for uniformities sake. I've seen a few John Wayne movies in my time and I still can't swagger!
TM, you've inspired a haiku for me... perhaps I'll work it into the rengay! I know a sw indian tribe make a break in the pattern on their pottery to release the soul of the pot...
a break in the pattern
releases the soul
No, I would not go back and redo everything at this point! I am at the computer way too much and with that note, I will take my leave for now! Buenos Noches Amigos!
That is beautiful EC!!! Really nice!!
Coyote-that is fascinating
TM- "now hold on there, little missie-whaddya mean your verse isn't clever, huh, pilgrim?"
amused
inspired
confused-
spilt coffee on my painting
looks better
FYI: I made a slight revision to the laundry day verse.
I like it...a chipped cup, a chipped tooth...
Coyote you're up and we'll stay with you long and me short.
This is really turning out nicely..
John, regarding your spilled coffee/painting comment above...yesterday I was in a bookstore and flipped through a Kerouac book of poetry. Your great little piece reminded me of his style at times.
How formal are we here? Should I change my last entry that mentions tea? Has it been used too much?
A very nice link... embodys the irritation.
I've been ripping off the edges of Kerouac for as long as I've been writing haiku. A terrific collection of his haiku is found in "book of haikus", edited by Regina Weinrich. It has all of his published and unpublished haiku "pops" with seasonal categorys.
About your question in regards to referencing tea too often.... Doesn't bother me...In fact, without referencing birds, I couldn't write half of all of my verses, so I might not be the best one to ask.
ok, if anyone feels we are drinking too much tea, I have another verse up my sleeve.
GJ..thanks for the tip on the book. I am a huge fan of Kerouac's haiku.. I don't think I have read that particular collection...Hey, you can never go wrong with too many bird verses!
I myself do not like to use the same word twice... that is just my preference. There are alot of times I really want to use the same word but I force myself to come up with something new or atleast another word which connotes the same feeling.
I see what you are saying EC. I realized I had used the word 'tea' twice and that little rule of no repeating words some time after my post. Since Bandit has responded with verse, I will leave as is this time.
Let me know if you think I should change my last verse... I was thinking about doing...
another penny in the well
the human condition...
unconditional
??? Thoughts/ suggestions???
Hello EC...
I prefer the one you have posted.
:)
Oh, El C, you kill me! (no pun intended)true haikai!
An excellent 'world' link, too.
wow! I love the scarecrow verse- amen brother.. and I'm so glad coyote that you didn't change the pandemic verse.... wonderful! I also love the penny in the well... so thoughtful. It conjures the value of our belief systems and the value of life itself... It has my head spinning. I'll see what I can do from here...
Love it John
if anyone has any comments on my links before we finish, please do. This has been a great exercise for me...Still trying to get it...I did make some changes to a couple of them yesterday. What a journey this renga takes! I am impresses with all of your entries!
Inspiring contributions from all! Thanks Willie!
It reads pretty well.
I liked your changes, TM. They showed thoughtfulness and improved the flow.
We need a title and should probably list each author's verses...
regarding listing the authors...
I prefer the method of listing the initials after each verse. It is nice to be able to easily identify who wrote them. Just a thought.
By the way... you guys wound the renku down at the end very nicely...nice touch John with refering back to birdsong at the end... I like it!
just up from a nap... have to change the last verse alittle, don't know why, just have to.
ha! I'm leaving it alone. I'm crazy.
I agree TM I think an initial at the end of each verse would be nice... maybe next time. And yo Bandit, speaking of flow, I hate to be nit picky but I think the poem would flow better if those pictures were not there... they are lovely pictures of course, but I think they distract the reader a bit. Just my opinion of course (a lowly coyote)! Thanks again for including me on these projects! Another successful collaboration folks!
Yeah, not a problem about pictures-
I was breaking up the different folios. I'm not real happy with them, either.
I was trying to find a way to space author's initials to the side of their verses. I need a spacing html code that doesn't move the entire text that follows.
And does anyone have suggestions for a title?
And don't forget to stop by the moon viewing party at Haiku Bandit Society.
How about the newest of us newbies, TM, choosing a title?
I've sent her a note!
decided to change that last verse up a little...
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