Friday, September 18, 2009

Twilight Stroll



twilight stroll
a pocket full
of rosehips / ec

the leaf strewn path,
my footprints in yours / tm

shadow
of the obelisk
changing its shape / b

a handwritten note
weighted with a stone / ec

cassiopeia
traced in the dust
of a cold moon / b

below the boat,
infinity tinted blue / tm

falling for you-
two ball,
corner pocket / ec

her thighs grip his Harley
as young quail scatter /tm

the autistic boy,
in thrall
of shining wind / b

a bottle catches the breeze-
my sentiments exactly / ec

paper, scissors, rock...
an origami crane
flutters to the ground / tm

of rainbows, crayons,
and summer school daisies / b



tm: turdus migratorius... (Robin)
ec: El Coyote... (Eric V.)
b: bandit... (William Sorlien)

completed October 27, 2009

103 comments:

T.Migratorius said...

Love it! Nice painting choice also.

el coyote said...

Hello, love the picture as well. TM, I like your 2nd verse...
and hey bandit.. which format are we using, kasen?

bandit said...

I thought since we seem to be lighthanded at the start, we'd run a twelve tone poem, but other writers are not excluded!

Robin, the subject of your footprints verse makes for an excellent wakiku, as though it were the second half of a tanka poem. I'd like to see it as one statement however, instead of a psuedo-haiku, so to speak. Maybe more of a normal sentence structure. And since the first line is as long as it is, the verse's rhythm seems out of sync with the hokku's brevity. might we even need footprints repeated twice?
As I'm beginning to learn, the hokku should be the only verse with a true haiku form.

bandit said...

Another thought may be to make the verse gender equal as well as symmetrical and in rhythm and mood:

my footprints in yours
on this leaf strewn path

my footprints in his;
this leaf strewn path

Qualifying "leaf-strewn path" reads less clumsily to me.

I like the action of the path being leaf strewn,too, Robin.
As though the path is difficult to see though we've been this way before. Will our memory serve us well, so we might find our way? Or will we trust another to lead?

The pronoun "him" made me think of a love verse, though its entirely up to you to describe who;s track.
What are your thoughts?
Since we have touched on two autumn stanzas, we need a non-season verse next (daisan) as buffer before our next major subject, as well as shift away.

T.Migratorius said...

Your suggetions are excellent. Last night I had thought that it was a love verse where it did not belong, but liked the theme of it.

I would suggest the change of:

my footprints in yours;
this leaf strewn path

Thanks for the lesson on the form of a wakiku's sentence structure. I had been wondering about that last night.

bandit said...

Okay, here are my three submissions
for the daisan.
How do they read with the preceding stanzas?

T.Migratorius said...

Hey B-
I think "obelisk" is my #1 pick. It takes in a whole new direction while on this little stroll.

The "mirage" verse is very good. At first I was thinking it was my favorite, but after more thought, I think the "obelisk" just fits better somehow.

"hopelessly lost" is my second choice. Because for me, the wording could be changed slightly in line 2.

timidly asking or fearfully asking?

so afraid to ask? T

The words too and to in the same short line sounds too repetitive to me.

T.Migratorius said...

yes! I like the alternate much better. This verse and #1 both lend a feeling of uncertainty to this journey. I'm wondering what will happen next?

The 'obelisk' verse is surreal it has a kine of 'bad dream' quality while 'hopelessly lost' may be more accessable to me as a reader; something I can relate to as I have a terrible sense of direction at times!

It is a toss up; where to you want to take this B?

el coyote said...

I like "obelisk". I think it takes us in a new direction... I think it is important to not get attached to a single theme. I like it when the renku is a little bit more random: unalike things or feelings combined which both speak of a single truth.

The revised version of "lost/asking directions" is my second pick because it is a nice transitional stanza... still on topic of walking/ travel yet allows us to move away from the stroll into other themes etc.

bandit said...

Thanks guys, great comments!
i agree, Robin, that the obelisk renders a certain mystery that is almost menace, so I was concerned that it might be too dark, though thoughtful choice of subsequent verses could lead this to someplace extremely interesting...
The obelisk enhanced the second verse's dutiful "follower", who may have seemingly placed the the pedestrian trailblazer on a pedastal, memoralizing his action.
They say one shouldn't end a verse with a verb-so I used two!
But the real reason was for rhythm, and how it played off the previous stanzas. And , maybe a little for that dreamlike quality to oppose the matter-of-factness of line previous. so, we could use another non-season verse before we touch on a major topic.
The mood chosen will be of interest. To continue darkly, or something else, and how will that effect the entire poem?
I will defer, but I'd like to see submissions from any interested readers!

el coyote said...

nice choice...
so shall we wait for another haijin....
or should I start brainstorming?

bandit said...

Bring it, El C! We'd best not hold our breath. Everyone seems so busy in this season.
I see Kurt (oversouled),our newest bandit, has looked in, though I believe he's started teaching his fall semester in Tennessee, if my guess is correct. He's kindly agreed to join us for the "Vestiges" poetry exchange this weekend with the Hailstone group from Japan.

T.Migratorius said...

Good choice B-

Just a note about using verbs. I've been rereading Reichhold's book 'Writing and Enjoying Haiku'. I'll quote:

"The third link (daisan) makes the first gentle sidestep into a new subject. By ending this link with a verb - usually in English it is a gerund...the action, though shifted, continues to move on into the rest of the renga."

Just thought I'd share her opinion here with you two about using verbs in verse three of a renga. Right or wrong...who knows?

el coyote said...

Just a few ideas... I'll continue to brainstorm through out the day... any ideas/ thoughts?

bandit said...

From a quiet stroll, to a dream, to a secret note!What does it say?

Of course, we can see the link here, but we have something more-a hidden message. This draws our attention from a broad to a sharp focus, the "note" creating such suspense.
I've invited Mr. Hiruta's submission from Japan-he has recently founded the Akita Haiku International Network website. A link is at the Bandit Society page.
Regardless of the outcome of verse chosen today, I'd like to ask everyone interested to submit one or more moon poems for the next round, with either a winter or summer reference. We're in the intensification section now, so it will be fun to see just how far we can stretch this series of verses.

John Merryfield said...

Wonderful autumn junicho in progress and very thoughtful analysis. The three of you are raising the renku standard around here.

bandit said...

Nice stanza El C!
It fits the tone of the poem so far, like an oboe played softly, legato, the notes melding together.
Writing a moon poem in season for the next stanza seems easier said than done! Let this new stanza be a degachi round-anyone may submit.
Critique and comments are also welcome.

el coyote said...

Hey Bandit,
I like the "fireflies flirting" the best but I might switch the last line to become the first maybe?? And please excuse my ignorance but what does "degachi" mean? Bandit the haiku sensei!!!

bandit said...

Uh-uh, don't say that, all my knowledge is stolen.
Degachi is numerous writers submit for the same stanza.
I wonder if transposing lines 1 and 3 would make the verse too much like a hokku? I'm not convinced by the third line-I was just lucky to write one firefly poem this summer!
But I was thinking of changing the third poem 'Rabbits' are traditional winter kigo, as well as the old myth that they dwell in the moon.
I'll make a change or two-anyone can try for this position!

T.Migratorius said...

I like your last entry EC. I think it is a perfect starter for the next moon verse.

Hello Bandit- I also like the fireflies, but it does seem alot like a love verse. My choice would be cassiopia. Dust goes well with the stone verse ahead of it. I also like the reference to tracing compared to the prior verse.

bandit said...

I told you it was hard to write a seasonal moon verse. I toyed with these for an entire day.
Yes, I think Cassiopeia, too, for the change of rhythm and keeping with the quiet tone that looms over this poem.
A non season verse-who's game?

bandit said...

Uh oh, I've only just seen a problem here. "Shadow" in the leap-over verse is a close match to "dark side of the moon".
Back to the drawing board!

mountain-ash said...

beautiful beginning! especially the 1st and 5th verses

I like the way this one is making the people within so human, so quickly

bandit said...

Ooh, without doubt, the first verse! Two lines?

below the boat,
infinity tinted blue

I love this emotional link. It adds to the mystery of the the preceding lines.

Dust to water-from fire to air?

bandit said...

Had to post that one, T. Again, from the big picture to the minute and back again-well done!

Are we ready for a love verse, anyone? Love verses can involve human intimacy, so no kids or puppie dogs. As Ashley mentioned, let's touch on our common humanity again.

T.Migratorius said...

Hey Bandit...
I forgot it was a two liner! oops! Thanks for taking the iniative to condense it for me.

el coyote said...

Hey y'all,
Just playing around w some ideas... I'll try and finalize by the end of today...
EC

bandit said...

Of these poems, the second most closely maintains the prosody of the renku for me, though where two love verses are possible in sequence, this seems a bit final.

That doesn't mean to say we must have two love poems-the junicho is more flexible than that.

Thoughts on this, anyone?

el coyote said...

Back to the drawing board! This is a tough one!

bandit said...

Everybody says they hate to write love verses, me included.

T.Migratorius said...

My feminine side enjoys writing love poems!

EC..I like falling for you because it continues on like you are falling out of infinity. I also like the raven feather verse...just because... The third maybe something like 'freshly baited' in line one??

Bandit- pretty clever of you to combine two of his into something new and relevant to the previous poem.

bandit said...

Thanks, Robin, but I don't think a brace of catfish will become a popular Valentine's Day gift anytime soon.

I like the surreal abruptness of EC's 'falling in love'. It reads like a take it or leave statement emoted by a rebellious loner...so aloof.

Hereing no other submissions, I pronounce this stanza 7.

Now, a second love theme, two lines?

el coyote said...

Hey guys! I was kind of leaning to the pool verse myself... it came from "infinity tinted blue" (lovely btw) the falling reminds me of infinity like you said Robin and the two ball is actually a reference to the "tinted blue"... the two ball being blue and all.
This is turning out really nice!

T.Migratorius said...

Hey, good choice. I didn't know the two ball was blue. Like you, B., I like the aloofness of it is

bandit said...

Clever lad!

el coyote said...

Hey I just noticed in my last verse that I repeated "falling" which appears twice already in bandits obelisk stanza... do you think I should rework that line?

bandit said...

Ah, shoot...how did I miss that?
I'd say let's consider changing "obelisk" to a synonym for falling first, though I'm a bit brain dead from a long day at the moment:
dropping, slipping, plunging, descending, floating...

bandit said...

shadow of the obelisk
...growing longer
...shifting shape
...changing shape*
...beyond my sight
...longer each day
...cast at odd angles*
...shading the eye
...hugging the terrain
...migrating softly
...lengthening slowly
...pointing the way
...blocking the sun
...coloring my thoughts*
...colorless within
...marking the spot
...ad infinitum
or something similar?

T.Migratorius said...

My #1 vote is coloring my thoughts.
#2 changing shape.

Good Catch Eric-

el coyote said...

I like changing shapes also

bandit said...

Does anyone have pictures from their ginko walk? Send along 2 or 3 good ones for our Hailstone friends.

T.Migratorius said...

Oh B! I like the 'stares of the the drugstore cowboys' best.

You may want to email your request for photos, not all may come and read these comments.

bandit said...

We could use a little input on choice of our spring/love verse.

TM has a clever take on link; and I know about snow in springtime!

I wonder if the drugstore cowboys might be more in keeping with the overall tone we've been achieving thus far? Something a little more human, with all our fallibilities (hope I spelled that right).

I do have a concern about the length of the stanza, and if it reads well-perhaps it may serve to change the pace?

I'd like to hear from some others on this...

el coyote said...

Hey guys, sorry I've been M.I.A. I've had a crazy weekend! Bluegrass festival in Golden Gate park and a 49ers game on Sunday!

I think of these verses I like TMs about intricate patterns... I think the drugstore cowboy ones are a little too long for a two liner.

But I'm not sure... maybe we should rework these?? Maybe saying the word "love' is unnecessary, and we should imply it instead? Just some thoughts. :)

bandit said...

I like your idea-'drugstore cowboys' kinda clunks along, but the 'love' verse was just a little bland as is; sorry, T!-good point about implying the love without being so obvious.
Wow, I've always wanted to go to a bluegrass festival-one of these days...
Been to some blues festival. Seen Canned Heat three different times, each time by a river-Harvey Mandel took a six minute solo at one that blew my face clean off! Needed reconstructive surgery after that one.

T.Migratorius said...

Back to the drawing board. I haven't had the time lately to give this the attention it deserves.

Oh man, your taking us way back with Canned Heat. They're great!

EC, on the 25th is a free Woodstock revival at Golden Gate Park called West Fest. I do believe we shall be there.

el coyote said...

Have we solved our own riddle Mr. Bandit?? I've got some ideas but I'm having trouble with the line spacing so I'll post here...
I think a blues concert or bluegrass concert could be a good link eh?

bluegrass cutie...
such a nice turkey feather hat

locking eyes
she appeared from center stage

canned heat
I offer her a sip

el coyote said...

Hey TM, I'll probably be there too! We went to the 4oth anniversary concert for the summer of love a few years ago. Love those free concerts. We saw canned heat too bandit among others Jefferson aiplane, wavy gravy, Michael Mclure and the remaining doors, etc. The woodstock one should be good.

T.Migratorius said...

ok, this is about as opposite from my first try as you can get!

Hey Eric,
Let me know if you go to the park that day. Maybe we can say hello in person.

bandit said...

I'm trying to determine the link between these and the previous verse-except for maybe the Canned Heat link. A bunch of "counter culture" types playing at the bar, or on the jukebox while the pool game is going on. The aloof rebel declares his interest in a cute young thang between turns at the pool table-then takes her aside and maybe tries to 'contribute to her negligence' by offering the starry eyed girl a sip-of what, we don't exactly know. The rebelliousness she's always longed for, to escape from her parents oversight and spread her wings, perhaps ready to "fly" too high?
Is it love, or infatuation?
The thing we don't have is a spring reference, though this is a Junicho, and we can bend the rules some.
Hmmm. I like the darkness of this verse-seven words carry so many possibilities and scenarios. It carrys on a mood from throughout the entire piece, unlike a lot of haiku and renku online, there's no edge, no sordid reality. Ehh, but that's just me.

bandit said...

Ooh, T! Dig that veiled reference to 'young quail'!
An interesting link; one logical outcome of the scene at the pool hall. And spring, and a clever play on all the chicks gathered round. I wonder if the bird on the back of the bike is safe riding with that cool cat?
I like the word thighs; it implies something kind of sexual, which, I'm told, a love verse can refer to between adults. Whaddya think EC, does this solve our conundrum with overall tone progression and hitting on the season reference.
A lot is implied in this one, T. I think ya one upped the coyote this time.

T.Migratorius said...

Thanks B- but, where is your next verse? I love reading your analysis of all these candidates. You could write fiction I do believe.

I like where you were going with that EC. Do you have a copy of the Junicho format? I did notice that there was no spring reference.

bandit said...

oh, yeah, I can really picture the two of them roaring off on the bike, "birds" scattering in fright and irritation. A great image.

bandit said...

Yeah, I really liked that "canned heat". So mean and low down.
Though you blew me away with "Harley". Everything we were looking for: spring reference, a vividly painted picture, a play on words (haikai), a slightly dangerous sexuality-real humanity!
I have to go with 'Harley'.

el coyote said...

Hey guys, sorry I missed the convo last night. TM I really like the the image of the scattering quail, I think it is a nice link to the pool table... I can see pool balls scattering after you break them, etc... very nice. I am not sure about the second line though... as I read from the begining I feel like we might be veering off course. The renku sorta starts as a walk with the first two stanzas... I feel like the harley, although on topic w/ the bar scene/pool,is a theme close to "traveling" or "moving", which we already covered. Just some ideas. What do you guys think? This has been a real hum dinger huh? :)

bandit said...

An excellent observation, coyote.
I asked the same question in a different renku. I'll paraphrase the answer as best my memory serves me, from Mr. John Carley:

Walking and riding both fall into a "travel" category, though he (john) never heard of an objection
regarding categorization as long as there is no repetition of an action, or just using a different word for the same thing.

I see what you're saying. If one follows in one's footsteps, then does jumping on the back of a bike mean the same thing?

I think we have two different motivations here, as well as modes of transport. The first travel instance seems sedate in comparison; that's a good thing, in my mind, because we have intensified the spirit of the piece, which is a desired effect.

T.Migratorius said...

This is all new to me. I'll take Mr. C's word for it. Good points you both made.

el coyote said...

Hey guys... sounds good to me. I went back and re-read and like the ways it flows.

el coyote said...

Hey Bandit,
You can take this next verse.... I want to do the next two liner if you guys don't mind. Thanks, EC

bandit said...

I'll see if I can come up with something, but let's not limit ourselves-anyone can submit!

T.Migratorius said...

Now I just read the most beautiful story of a little boy with autism by a wonderful writer. Why is it not here in these comments?

Well, thanks Willie for the story. I read your poem late last night and did not understand it or the connection, but now I do.

I have been preoccupied of late and have only played around with a submission a bit. I am feeling so blocked on this one also. I think we will know when to put something in and when it will be right.

I'm gonna have to read yours a few more times to see all of the link/leap levels.

bandit said...

I see you've been checking in, El C. Just waiting for T. to return from a weekend trip.
Any comments on this verse? I am uncertain.

el coyote said...

Your last stanza is interesting... I wasn't really sure what it was about until I saw your explaination over at the haikubanditsociety...

bandit said...

The main link for me is the beauty and thrill of either action-observed by participants or bystanders alike. Or else it could be the wind...
Look, man, I don't have to claim this stanza, I just want to see the best candidate in there.
Been checkin' your e-mail? I need to send our critiques and votes to Hailstones. We got a tie goin' on.

el coyote said...

check your e-mail duder!

bandit said...

Finally had time to give some attention to that verse 9. Let me know how you feel about the changes.

I notice every verse but one so far has a human aspect to it. Would it be wise to pay respect to something animal, vegetable or mineral?

Our intensification of the renku "wave" has nearly come to fruition. The point, I'm told, is for the wave to abruptly yet gently crash on a placid summarizing beach with the final verse, the ageku.

bandit said...

http://uk.geocities.com/johnedmundcarley@btinternet.com/A_Dynamic_Pattern.htm
More on the renku wave and the folios of jo-ha-kyu.

el coyote said...

Hey y'all...
I like the verse bandit. it flows well with the motorcycle stanza... I can feel the wind as the motorcycle passes as it is also illustrated in the flag, etc.

Sorry about my verses.. I couldn't figure out the lline spacing???

bandit said...

Hee-hee!

What would you say to:

dust devils-
damn jack rabbits!

this really cranks things up a notch, though a tough one to link, maybe.

I also like 'argyle socks',
and what if we flipped #4 to read:

'a bottle catches the breeze-
my sentiments, exactly'

although I think #1 for the its burst of intensity.

Robin should return soon. I'd like to hear what she thinks.

el coyote said...

Hey love the renditions dude! I'm leaning towards the jack rabbit or the bottle. Not sure yet but will keep thinking on this... I have a few more ideas too.

BTW loved the exercise with hailstone! That was a great experience and loved getting some new feedback. Lets do that again! You've been really instrumental in the growth and my overall understanding of renku and haiku. Thank you!!

T.Migratorius said...

She's back........ (darn that kid for moving 10 hours away from me)!

I need to read everything to catch up on what is going on here. Will comment later.

T.Migratorius said...

Upon reading these submissions, I do believe my #1 choice is the 'bottle catching a breeze'. No comma necessary after 'sentiments' in my humble opinion.

#2 'damn' jack rabbits

very good!

bandit said...

Oh, Robin! You would.
Well, let me read it again...

bandit said...

Robin, boys will be boys and like to play war...but you are more wicked than you appear to be!

I had wanted to avoid human reference, considering the possible traditional form's demands for diversity, but really, I just don't know. There is someone I can ask...
Let's post "bottle" and consider it an opportunity for some unique, ingenious shift. I think its obvious what our title will be, and this post is certainly fitting.

T.Migratorius said...

I am definitely more wicked than I let on Bandit...

I like it thus far, but to be honest with you, I did not notice the close link of wind and breeze.

hmmmm.... What do you think EC?

bandit said...

I think the concern may be more with mimicking the leap-over verse than the one preceding. I noticed it, too, yet in my fatigue first thought it the verse before last. Let me look something up.

bandit said...

My gut says to let it stand-it's so provocatively twilight-ish that one hardly notices, it doesn't interfere with the verse before last, and the argument is a bit like the question of similarity by category that we had previously.

I questioned the use of the pronoun 'her' twice before but was assured we dodged the bullet via the originality and verse position.

I did make one change though: transposing the lines in the wakiku to avoid it being "hiriku", or too hokku-like.

bandit said...

...and if it makes any difference, 'shining wind' is kigo for spring while breeze is not kigo.
A thought of, "might an autistic-savant see the air shine?"

Say, I changed 'flag' to 'banner' for poetic reason, but still the verse seems a little odd to me. Any thoughts?

el coyote said...

I agree with you Robin. I originally used wind in the place of breeze but noticed the repeated word. Maybe it does follow too close. I actually liked the damn jack rabbits ku... like you said bandit it cranks it up a bit annd doesn't follow so closely to the previous verse.
As for the autistic verse I like the idea but I agree it is lacking something or stands apart from the rest of the verses.Hmmm?

bandit said...

Guys, I've shortened the 'autistic boy'. Let me know if you like it.

I'll send a question to Mr. C on this following verse-the rules, and whether or not they should be broken.

I should add the fact of no animal or non-human subjects to our query. It's likely we would have an answer tomorrow, not because it's just across the "pond", but John is also a pretty generous fellow, and appreciates people serious about renku.

If you two would prefer 'dust devils', so be it. It would work quite well, and it is a very concrete statement. I just like the mysteriously intricate machinations of the human mind presented with "a bottle', and how it plays out the entire theme we seem to have established here and the possible riffs that could be played off it.

I think the qualities of humanism in this renku would outweigh a purists critique of the lack of animal, vegetable, mineral, etc., and I'd love to present this to one of the better haiku websites for consideration eventually.

T.Migratorius said...

Willie,
I think you nailed it by taking out the flag. It had meaning to you, but was hard for me to follow in this context. The word 'thrall' is perfect for the tension that may be going on between our biker couple.

Thanks for the kigo info, it helps me.

EC, I still like your bottle verse best even though the breeze is close to the wind. I like how it sounds. I am in need of guidance on the finer points of renku though.

Submission to a web journal would be fine with me.

el coyote said...

Hey guys...

I like the rendition bandit.. I think it is a simpler version which works well.

As for the bottle vs jackrabbit, I really don't mind which one. Both have their merits. But I would say that the bottle verse does keep the same sentimental tone of the junicho itself. There is definitely a human sentimental quality to the entire theme but I would say that it is not void of animals or minerals, etc... the baby quails, stone, obelisk, rosehips, leaves, etc are secondary objects but do hold weight and seem to balance the humanistic qualities in general.

Guess we are waiting to hear back from Mr. C...

bandit said...

Got word back and was told I offered a difficult question-I'm happy for that!
The final summation was go with instinct-based on the length of junicho and near impossibility of touching on so many facets of existence in such a short span, and almost stating word for word Coyote's last comment.
...Didn't mention the repeated use of words in the "wind" category.
Good choice, El C!
Robin, you want to give the next verse a go?

T.Migratorius said...

okie dokie

T.Migratorius said...

ok, I have arguments against each one of these, but this is what came out of my first brainstorming session. Having problems with just the right third line for the 'whistling' verse.

el coyote said...

Hey Tm,
Hope all is well. I really like the origami crane verse. I would suggest switching the third line for the first...

rock, paper, scissors
an origami crane
flutters to the ground

I think it might flow/ read a little smoother... just a suggestion:)... Also I don't think that having rock is too repetitive with the previous stone entry... I like it, I think having the stones and rocks and obelisks somehow "weigh" or "ground" some of the previous "airy" or "sentimental human thoughts" . I also like the crane as it is another animal reference.

bandit said...

ditto.

What does it represent in a coded sense, a message announcing the next to final verse?

T.Migratorius said...

After reading over the reversed version of the paper crane, I do like it the way EC suggested.
But, are there no other entries from you two?

bandit said...

Inspiration is a fleeting thing.
I edited a haibun, seemingly a hundred times, posted and polished the PSA announcement of the
Vestiges exchange with the Hailstone Haiku Circle, and correspondingly am involved in a Triparshva renku with the Issa's Snail blog. Yikes! That's a full day for my fumbling fingers and tiny brain.
If I find a moment to not think, something might pop in there.

I like the rock, paper, scissors implication to the choices we make in renku and in our very lives. An imaginative use of emotional linking, nioi, if I'm not mistaken,
the elaborately crafted paper crane's descending flutter evokes a "letting go' kind of feeling, a sort of surrender to the need to allow our minds to rest once in a while. I think this verse may be perfect in our development of this poem, and its eventual conclusion.

bandit said...

Threw out a summer/flower verse here-comments. please. We're open to your submissions, also.

T.Migratorius said...

That is a wonderful link B. I guess inspiration can come even when you are busy. I like the childhood game lead into the crayons and drawing.

bandit said...

Say, anyone have any relevant ginko experience they'd like to share? Maybe comment at the Icebox; they seem very receptive.

bandit said...

Does the 'rainbows' verse have any meaning to anyone-a code or reference, anything subliminal?

T.Migratorius said...

I attached no meanings to it on the first read. Now I am reminded of it's biblical symbolism and its gay pride symbolism.

I like the verse. What are you thinking?

bandit said...

biblical and gay pride? Ha!
I thought it a little vague-damn, gotta love our media.
You know, I gave up watching TV?
Unless There's a football game on-European soccer, that is.
Sorry I laughed-it's not you, it's just funny...and ironic.
WE're like little schools kids playing with crayons; picking and choosing, drawing little houses and stick figures, our desires and perceptions and conceits drawn on paper while we learn to stay in the lines. Sometimes gone a little mad with color, making over elaborate rainbows. Some of us don't catch on so fast, so we go to summer school, look out the window at flowers...

bandit said...

When did the GLBT lobby get the corner on rainbows? Oh wait, you're from California: spoon fed.
Twin Cities is not far behind.
I hope they don't have the copyright on diversity. What a pity that would be.
Rainbow, also, can be a summer kigo, although it can be whenever a place's rainy season is. I've been writing with folks from all over lately-internationally diverse.
Sorry, hon, I've been dealing with media misrepresentation for some years now-I didn't mean to jump on you.
I still like the verse. Tweaked it and posted it. Let me know if you have any reservations, anyone.
I couldn't have written it without that killer maeku of yours.

bandit said...

And I nominate the title as "Twilight Stroll"!
Most fitting for this odd, sometimes surreal little walk of ours-we must do it again!

el coyote said...

hey guys...
love the last verse bandit, good work!
I think this came out nicely folks... a pleasure as always.

T.Migratorius said...

Hey nice ending B- and a good descriptive title to it. What an interesting stroll it was! Reading it over again tonight, I am really liking how the 'bottle catching the breeze' follows the 'autistic boy'. What a rainbow means to one person my not quite cut it for another. St. Paul will catch up to SF soon...or is he ahead? You should have seen the West Fest in SF Sunday, now that was an enlightening experience in diversity. Wow!

John Merryfield said...

A wonderful Junicho! The links are just perfect... so fun and yet completely mind blowing as well. The attention to detail with such care and scrutiny is beyond my patience level. The middle, starting with two ball corner pocket... then harley... then autistic boy... wonderful! Nice job everyone.

bandit said...

Ooh, Robin, I'm just glad you're not mad at me! You're a good friend.
Speaking of good friends, nice to hear from you, Johnny! I'm glad you like the poem. Practicing the process was enlightening, that's for sure. Possibly our best work thus far.
I'm looking forward to another with the whole crew...

T.Migratorius said...

Hey John, thanks so much! It was a treat writing with EC and Willie as usual. I sure relied on our friend Willie's knowledge and attention to detail.
Take care ya'll!

Alan Summers said...

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Fantastic verses!!!!


BTW Willie knows about this the 1000 Verse Renga project, and I'd love all or any of you to send renga verses into our project.

You could even do a short renku amongst yourselves and then have it included into the overall renga as a separate independent renku donation!

Great fun!

If anyone would like to add to The 1000 Verse Renga please do! ;-)

Renga verse email: 1000verses@withwords.org.uk

BBC weblink: BBC 1000 verse renga article

Alan's blog weblink: 1000 Verse Renga blog

all my best,

Alan
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