deep in the grove
where we once danced;
tule fog
a gecko's chirp loud
in an empty house
her Alzheimer's,
names forgotten
as well as our faults
days spent
decoding pebbles
off the trail,
the breeze and wild orchids
play guessing games
tantra pilgrimage,
rumps to the sky
back street boys
linger on the corner;
ba-donk-a-donk!
the fleshy sweetness
of a ripened peach
in the bomb shelter
an old can of
pork and beans
a shiny red bike
clears a path of pigeons
the mute boy,
face turned up in wonder,
now a bright moon
seen but not heard,
a maple leaf's piroeutte
John Merryfield 2, 6, 10, 12
Robin Beshers 1, 5, 8
William Sorlien 3, 7, 11
Eric V. 4, 9
.
115 comments:
Welcome Robin and Johnny, my bestest renku pals!
Let's offer some hokku, any season you like.
Here's one from me:
these old eyes,
Oh, what was it? Hang on ...
Oh yeah:
these old eyes,
blind to the ire
of winter’s night
Not really a hokku; no jux, just a statement, really. I'll let it stand for now. And, an actual mention of a season's name, which blows another's mention later.(kannonbiraki)
maybe I'll have another.
these old eyes,
blind to the ire
of winter’s night
withering wind;
waiting my turn
to speak
yesterday's news
still swirling
in the parking lot
Hey guys! Saw you were startin' something up.... mind if I participate?
high water mark
the egret returns
to the cowfield
El C! For sure, dude!
I was gonna mail you again; thought you dropped off the Earth! (heard you got married)
I got two more, and another forgotten:
these old eyes,
blind to the ire
of winter's night
withering wind;
waiting my turn
to speak
too often
the carrot and the stick;
rabbits
white breath;
chasing a rhythm
in the wind
willie
*
yesterday's news
still swirling
in the parking lot
high water mark
the egret returns
to the cowfield
El Coyote
*
I'll keep gathering and collating verses as they come in.
A quick outline:
The shisan, a twelve verse form, alternates between short and long verses throughout through four sides, each with its own season, which occur in natural sequence.
We should consider a hokku that is identifiable with a particular season.
The major seasons, spring and autumn, receive two references, while winter and summer receive one.
'Moon' will appear in the second side in conjunction with season, while, typically, two love verses may occur in the third. Flower appears in side four, again, in league with that side's season.
Oh, and the feature I find most intriguing of this renku; each side should stand alone as a seperate poem with an 'intro' and a 'summation'.
Hey Guys...so great to see you here EC and it's fun to read your poems again. How in the heck have you been? I'll send some poems in shortly. I've never seen this form of renku before B- just keep me on track...
Hello TM! I am well... 2010 was not a kind year (the vicious tiger) I was laid off and had to relocate from sf back to sebastopol, but I have landed in a good place and I am happy to be back in town. Looking forward to this new year, going back to school, etc. Hope you are well. :)
year of the rabbit-
stopping to take off
my armor
no longer hiding
from what I've always known
distant snow
in the grove
where we once danced
tule fog
B- tule fog is a dense fog that gathers in central California in the winter with zero visabiltiy at times. I've been stranded in it a time or two...
Sorry to hear about your job loss, but happy to hear all has worked out ok. So you know we live in the same town now don't ya? Maybe we should all meet for coffee one morning. Good for you going back to school.
Hello everyone!
hitchhiking
in a fragrant breeze
going south
gecko chirps
in an empty house
sounds big
E.C.,
Sorry to hear about your Tiger year. Rabbits are lucky.
I'm going to school, too, man!
Gonna ride that Fed grant and loan wave as long as I can, at least until I take early union retirement.
I start Monday, just another snot-nosed freshman! I'm gonna learn how to write!
I gather all here appreciate our common lot; going to school to ride that wave. Shoot, my high school team was known as 'The Green Wave'!
After I regain my senses, like, tomorrow maybe, I'll combine all the offers and then we can state our preferences. Shit we're all friends; we'll just say what we like. It's all cool.
After that, let's just go by turns with up to, say, three offers a piece, then we can help each other by critique and edit suggestions.
Maybe leave ageku open to all candidates, also. Hope that sounds good. It should save a lot of time, too.
See you tomorrow, say by, 7pm or so Pacific time?
# 14:
Do us all a favor and number your posts, OK? It will make it easier for back reference.
days of glory;
a green wave's shimmer
through holes in the ice
Hi John...
Sounds good Bandit...I'll check in tomorrow evening.
# 16:
Hello renjin,
Click on "Show Original Post above, just below the orange, "Shisan" title to reveal the hokku offers as you compose your comments.
# 17:
Some great candidates for hokku here! I've really missed hearing your individual voices for some time. Sad to think we can't use these all.
One thing we can do is save any unused verses up our sleeve for possible use later. I might create anoter column of 'verses in hand'.
Here are some outstanding candidates in order of appearance:
withering wind;
waiting my turn
to speak / willie
high water mark
the egret returns
to the cowfield / eric
no longer hiding
where we once danced
tule fog / robin
I've chosen these three offers for two basic reasons. First, for their obvious kireji; two juxtaposing images working together to create images and emotion in the reader's mind.
Second, the beginning of renku traditionally begins with a more quiet tone; I admit I like the outlandish stuff as much as the next guy, but, we'll have time for that as the renku builds to a crescendo before coming to rest in ageku.
An interesting dynamic of shisan is its brevity and individual folios, which demand strong break-away linkage in many instances. This form can be exciting, as well as a real writing challenge.
Furthermore, I've discovered another candidate that might work well with any of these verses as wakiku.
For my choice that resonates most strongly with me and works so well with the propsed wakiku verse, I submit the following:
no longer hiding
where we once danced;
tule fog /robin (wi/person)
a gecko's chirp loud
in an empty house /john(ns/nature)
If these are acceptable, we have already diversified the scenes with the presence of persons and without, an important aspect to maintain in writing renga.
Secondly, the combination of these two vignettes, as they are so well written, creates such a wistful vision so as to be absolutely haunting. A strong sense of wabi-sabi resounds. I am enchanted.
i'd love to hear your comments or suggestions. Otherwise, if these are acceptable, i would propose we continue alphabetically, by last name, with me taking wakiku and Eric the following verse.
So as not confine anyone to short or long verse, I further propose we change the order at the third folio, possibly by means of degachi.
Nice combination... gets right to it!
#18
That was clever how you combined my two poems into something entirely new. I do like how it goes with John's gecko. As a side note I want to say how much I like Eric's 'egret in the cowfield'. It paints a very evocative scene.
Yes, it is fun to read everyones various writing styles again. It's been too long.
# 20:
Ain't no clever about it, Robin;
It's that faulty mouse!
In the grove - no longer hiding
where we once danced
tule fog
I wasn't sure you'd like it.
I copied everything to an email draft, and then the mouse's left click continually failed to copy the entire hokku list, sometimes dragging portions into a jumble.
These verses became intertwined!
Ha! I love it! Either way I'll always be enamored of the 'tule fog'.
# 21:
Pardon the typos - and i meant to say I would take daisan and then Eric a non-season verse, # 4.
#22
LOL...you are too funny B- I prefer 'in the grove' as it means something to me personally.
bandit said...
# 23:
'in the grove' makes more sense, too. I'll change it.
Hey, go next door at the Society and click on your name.
I had three offers, but then I thought what was most endearing. I had one
so daunting,
this stream of consciousness,
forgetting to breathe
but it's been recycled, and maybe too pompous for such a short Jo. We have to move on, agressively so.
our last piaster,
another ticket
for the lottery
ehhh!
But this
her Alzheimer's,
forgetting our names
as well as our faults
feels to me to continue that 'aura' and theme surrounding the first two verses, making the side stand as an indiviual poem. As well, it sets up the next folio. It grabs your attention, and subliminally refers to our effort. And, like you said, for me it has a more personal meaning. Maybe that's the best way to write poetry?
Eric, you're up, bro'. Maybe something without humans? Typically, this position would be non-season followed by spring or spring/flower, but we have some room to play. We have had at least one non-season verse to create space between the next season. Do what feels good, man.
# 24:
I've added 'deep' to your "long" hokku, Robin, to at least make it as long as John's "short verse", as well as for the cadence of verse.
Another point: Illness is traditionally avoided in the first folio, but I say to Hell with it, I'm breaking the rules.
I like the prosody too much.
#25
ha! where ever did you find that old video of us dancing back in the day Bandit? How long did it take for your bruises to heal after all that leg slapping? ;)
I like the addition of 'deep'. It sounds good.
The Alzheimer's poem follows them really well. I like it the best of the three. It speaks plainly from the heart. I like how it is referenced as 'her Alzheimer's'. It is the disease causing the forgetting, not her.
#26
We're having a surprise birthday party at my place for an old classmate - uh, a classmate from old? Never mind ...
After a few glasse of wine, they seem to like a dance - I might have to give this one a go!
Don't you just love to watch that though? i'd try to be more thoughtful of the girl - unless they like men with bruised thighs!
if you get your friends to dance like that you must video tape it...
I noticed that the women did not smile. The men seemed to have the most enjoyment from all that knee slapping.
still searching
days spent decoding pebbles
# 29:
deep in the grove
where we once danced;
tule fog / robin (wi)
a gecko's chirp loud
in an empty house /john (ns)
her Alzheimer's,
forgetting our names
as well as our faults / willie (ns)
still searching;
days spent decoding pebbles
or
days spent
decoding pebbles
The latter seems to have more dramatic impact. What say you?
(also consider our previous offers have been brief)
You could say;
days spent searching,
decoding pebbles
the word 'still' seems extraneous; sorry, don't mean to offend.
The poem thus far has a contemporary feel, with the verses nearly 'inappropriate' in their bluntness; cut to the bone, tough love - I like it!!
# 30:
After review of cadence, length, message, and prosody, I would choose:
days spent
decoding pebbles
I LOVE the sound of this - gendai!
Ms Robin, we have three lines, spring/flower.
# 30:
After review of cadence, length, message, and prosody, I would choose:
days spent
decoding pebbles
I LOVE the sound of this - gendai!
Ms Robin, we have three lines, spring/flower, if you choose.
A no-person verse would continue the person/nature flow. Your call.
.
in the wee hours
a single report
on the fence post
a well rusted can
Hey guys.... a few more I thought of yesterday.
I like 'decoding pebbles' because it is so unique and makes us stop to think. It goes very well with the previous verse. Eric..I do also like the 'rusted can'.
I'll work on a flower verse and pop back in tonight. Have a great day everyone...
#33
whispered perfume
the trees facing east
have blossomed
the snow has melted
at the edge of the trail
wild orchids
wild orchids
just beyond the trail
guessing games
the turtle's shadow
slips into the depths
pink-throated lilly
each lotus
opens at sunrise
indifferent sun
# 35:
Robin,
A lot of fine stand alone pieces here, though most with a strong sense of kireji (cut).
I wonder if you might consider these "statements", if you will, as the ongoing telling of a story, without the 'cut', or strong juxtaposition.
Also, it would be good to remember the brevity and straight-forward style we seem to have established, as most notably illustrated by Eric's "modern classic", 'days spent decoding pebbles'.
One of the most compelling renku I have read was one where by chance, the entire poem sounded as though written with one voice. On the other hand, as spoken by an old wannabe hippie, "do your own thing, baby".
We don't want to be too "flowery", do we? hee-hee-he ....
By the way, your 'guessing' and 'indifference' seem to be interesting themes. That 'lily' is downright erotic! blushing ...
ok B- I'll give it some thought today. My training says to write hokku...I forgot the renku ways...do you consider the line 'her Alzheimer's' to have a cut between the first and second lines?
# 37:
I considered it when posting, though I tweaked it some to be "nearly" a sentence.
If we can maintain the same train of thought then complaints of cut in a verse may be too overzealous. Of course, now that I've ridden that fine line, I may have spoiled it for the following verses, in light of maintaining diversity of style in verses and a return through the "double doors", kannonbirikai.
There are some wonderful explanations (and theory) written at the Renku Reckoner" site, which we have a link to on the page to the right.
#38
I better hand this one over to the other members of this party for submissions. I've been toying with verse off and on all day and cannot come up with anything spring like and worthy of a follow-up to Eric's pebbles. I'll keep thinking about it, but please carry on.
# 39:
Are you sure you wouldn't like to guess at the name of that orchid?
(wink , nudge)
#40
ummmmmm, still guessing!
#41
beyond the trail
wild orchids play
guessing games
??
OK, So there are many ways to rearrange words. I'll have to come back to this later tonight.
# 42:
No rush here - a "full plate" today.
Saigon Cafe;
struggling with words
over a full plate
..."beside" the trail?
#43
iris, wild orchids?
what does it matter
when you've gone blind?
beside the trail
wild orchids play
guessing games
#44
in a time lapse
blossom viewing is a
full time job
# 45:
deep in the grove
where we once danced;
tule fog / robin (wi)
a gecko's chirp loud
in an empty house /john (ns)
her Alzheimer's,
names forgotten
as well as our faults / willie (ns)
Side 2 - (ha)
days spent
decoding pebbles / eric (ns)
in a time lapse
blossom viewing a
full time job
beside the trail,
wild orchids play
a guessing game
iris or orchids?
what does it matter
when you've gone blind?
# 46:
(uchikoshi)
her Alzheimer's,
names forgotten
as well as our faults
(maeku)
days spent
decoding pebbles
in a time lapse
blossom viewing a
full time job
beside the trail,
wild orchids play
a guessing game
iris or orchids?
what does it matter
when you've gone blind?
Of themselves alone, each of these verses break away from the previous somber mood invoked by maeku (in relation to the verse preceding), a good thing, for the poem should have some uplift as it races to kyu and the finale of ageku.
However, each of Robin's verses may be deemed a reference to the disease denoted in uchikoshi: time lapses, guessing, blindness. Would there be a way to retain the positivity without kannonbirikai?
blossom viewing
beside the trail, children
play a guessing game
Perhaps a bit odd in structure, although the prosody is right, and an uplifting feel with a mention of children.
The shift should be away from uchikoshi, and children and pebbles; well...
Any thoughts on this hybrid verse?
how about....?
beside the trail
wild orchids
caught in a time lapse
or
beside the trail
wild orchids
lull me closer
not so hybrid... nor so positive... but...
school children
on a flower viewing tour
carrying combat sticks
or ...modifing EC's
wild orchirds
beside the trail
speak to the children
(sp) orchids
# 50:
A riff off Eric's suggestion, plus another; see how these roll off the tongue:
beside the trail,
wild orchids
captured in time
but, then again
off the trail,
breezes and wild orchids
play guessing games
I enjoy the child-like whimsy of the breeze and flowers; a contest of wills, though still without human activity.
If it's alright with you, Robin, I'd like to use your inspiration and choose 'off the trail'.
That would leave our final spring verse, the last concluding this side's poem within a poem and setting us up for human interaction again, two love verses in the next folio and eventually summer after this non-season pause, John.
yes, I think off the trail sounds good. Many good suggestions here.
verse # 6 (sp)
tantra pilgramage
rumps to the sky
# 53:
Got me to laughin'!
Wait, wait, I'm gonna google this...
You're killin' me!
Dude, check it out...
I was enrolled in an Interpersonal Communications class (started back to school this past Mon. - can you believe it! I'm a college freshman). The instructor spoke of how she had been a Math professor before acquiring a Master's in something or other and then starting to teach Humanities/Comm. or whatever.
After the second class, I realized, besides being very inexperienced in her new role, the poor woman had no soul. I recently read a quote by Basho that said something to the effect that, "some people were born with a poetic spirit and some without." This poor gal, I believed, was of the latter category. I had to get out of that class!
A day before the drop deadline, I feverishly scanned the course offerings for something different. I was stoked, man, I had to not f**k up my schedule and retain the right credit load so as not to goof my Grant $. Lo and behold, what do I find in the same time slot and with the same amount of credits? Intro to Eastern Philosphies. Praise be to Amida Buddha!
Dig it...the first section is on Hindu ethics...Bingo! You're in, brudder!
A beautiful lead-in to our next side, Intensification, meaning we can really write "off the wall" if it feels good, and a ripping good verse at that.
Now, how to proceed? Should we submit degachi? Eric, do you feel relegated to two-lines; want to stretch out, buddy? Talk to me people - I've got a big day tomorrow, three jobs fell in my lap, I'll have the Sundance Kid at my side, the day off from school, just had me a nap, gonna kick some butt. I'll be up for awhile ...
# 54:
Oh, yeah, three lines, ns/love.
# 55:
I'll throw somethin' in. Hold on; tunin' up:
on the corner,
the boys check out cars, girls,
and ba-donk-ka-donk
Might's well make it Amurikin, huh?
B- you crack me up. I'm sure you will find plenty of poetic inspiration in the philosopy class.
# 57:
Ooh, that verse is brutal!
back street boys
hanging on the corner;
ba-donk-a-donk!
"I don't know, man", he mumbled. Does this work?
I just got home. Anybody got anything?
lovers share
the fleshy sweetness
of a peach
Just throwing one out there....
59:
good on ya!
We do need a non-season break before a summer verse - would 'peach' represent summer?
By gar, these two verses would complement one another, wouldn't they?
back street boys
hanging on the corner;
ba-donk-a-donk! ns/love
the fleshy sweetness
of a ripened peach su/love
whatcha think? Esoteric, though very sensual. it would switch up our writer's sequence, too.
The peach is ripe; an ambiguous statement: comparison by metaphor to ba-donk-a-donk, or the last shared moment of pleasurable bliss?
Renga is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get.
Says Forrest... You may not find that in your Eastern Philosophies class.
( back street boys
hangin on the corner
ba- donk- ka- donk...
the fleshy sweetness
of a ripened peach )
I like how these two verses complement each other and it brings it back to the natural world. sweet, juicy, soothing. Spiritually mature.
The peach implies summer, at least to my mind. Doesn't mean it won't work.
#61
I agree...Renga is like a box of chocolates....
Peach conjures summer to our minds for sure. I do like how those two verses complement each other very much. I decided a long time ago to just throw verse out when the inspiration strikes during these parties. The way my brain works, if I think too much about all the rules and the way each word potentially works with all that is before it, I get all hung up and can't write a dang thing.
Your job my friends is to just keep me in check and use what you can. I just feel lucky if I can ever write anything at all.
Sorry I'm late. I be rockin' and rollin'. The shit is linin' up, though; I am so fortunate.
Howzabout that moon, huh?
I'll use these.
Eric, will you take this side out, bro'? Non-season, brutha.
Hello all! So sorry I have been absent... I had a house fire on sunday and have been trying to get everything sorted out! Luckily there wasn't very much damage to our house but some of our stuff got pretty smokey. I also started school this week so I am a little overwhelmed.... let me think about this today and I will have something for sure this evening!
insurance policy
based solely
on prayers
in the bomb shelter
an old can of
pork and beans
at the funeral
a procession of
shorn skulls
rabbit's foot
disappearing amongst
the willow buds
(I guess this is seasonal but I like it)
on the mantle
a wooden train
from 1979
# 69:
in the bomb shelter
an old can of
pork and beans
Hi Eric,
How's school? I am simply starry-eyed after two weeks in school - and not just fron lack of sleep.
Speaking of which, I have a lab report due in the morning...
a second wind;
all thoughts numbed
in 14 below
Your can verse is certainly wabi-sabi; I hope there's more to eat than that! Guess you won't need a "hot plate".
This verse is the only candidate with a discernable link as far as I can tell. It is one that is the opposite of 'grandiose', which makes it appealing for it's simplicity.
I'd like to here what the others think. I believe it would offer a challenging link.
Sorry to hear about the fire EC. Of all the verses, I would definately choose the 'can of pork and beans'.
From the vending machine at school, too...hang in their E. Every time I read that verse I like it more!
Lead off for the finale (kyu)anyone?
Is it autumn already? And leading to the moon...for ageku, I think.
# 72:
My bad; the Reckoner shows
non season; autumn moon; autumn
and I'm a little schoolboy, too.
verse #10 (ns) offerings:
birds eye view
of my entire life
in four directions
a scattering of feathers
# 74:
I'm curious - and a bit befuddled (my normal state) What's your link, big guy?
Rushing off to the mines and a later return.
Oh well...I'm afraid I missed the mark. The two verses I offered for consideration were context links that I was hoping to examine more deeply the nature and reality of a bomb shelter. Bombs fall from planes... birds fly... birds eye view... lack of vison in war...the four directions (sacred)... war causing harm.
Sometimes I get near sighted and myopic.... I can drop this perceived linkage and go for something else... or someone else can give it a try?
# 76:
Save the apologies, Johhny. I was in such a hurry this morning ...
You know, we could be more concrete, I'm told. It's about movement, direct, without ambiguity to the end. As Eiko would put it, the renku wave at its vortex, then coming to rest.
Probably even more important with such a short sequence.
Umm, or something to that effect. Anyway, have another go; you're certainly up to it! No pressure, dude ... this ain't the micro-managed job I was just on - I'm having a real good time!
ah yes, good point. less vague, last three verses, easing up. I'll give it another try...maybe tomorrow
Surf ... surf like the wind!
round 2:
the cadence of war
as the furnace hums
a shiny red bike
clears a path of pigeons
the insatiable appetite
of growing boys
# 80:
the fleshy sweetness
of a ripened peach / robin (su/lv)
in the bomb shelter
an old can of
pork and beans / eric (ns)
***
the cadence of war
as the furnace hums
a shiny red bike
clears a path of pigeons
the insatiable appetite
of growing boys
birds eye view
of my entire life
in four directions
a scattering of feathers
No other way to go but backwards:
Here's my take;
Nice verses all, by the way. Always a pleasure to write with you, John.
The latter two verses I have a little trouble with, but only for the understanding of link. Our readers might feel the same way. 'Course, I'm getting to understand you better each time we have a project. Man, I hope I get out that way someday.
I really like 'insatiable', but we might have a return to the idea of 'ripened peach', or what it could imply.
The 'red bike' ... when I was seven, I got a brand new red bike with the streamers and that old style Schwinn look; the big fenders, padded seat with springs, the '50's - early '60's kitschiness. A 26" frame, maybe - i remember it was a bitch to learn to ride. Almost too big to handle.
(A year or two later my Dad got all the neighbor kids skateboards; I'll tell you about 'suicide hill' someday) That was also the time our housekeeper told us not to eat the snow 'cause it might be radioactive. We would practice defensive atomic bomb drills in school. "Put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye!" It was shortly after the Cuban missle crisis.
'the cadence of war' is very direct, and topical, too. I like the setting of with the furnace humming.
Although ... I really dig the bike, if only for the reminiscence of another era, the innocence of childhood set against the potential of destruction, its timeliness, present and past, and for the clear, impartial vision of the scene that could pop up no matter what one was feeling about the daily crisis in the news. Could one associate humanity with foraging pigeons? A lot going on here between the lines.
I'd like to choose the 'bike', unless anyone has an argument against it. A real, strong argument ... lol!
# 81:
Oh, yeah, that would leave us with an Autumn moon to follow: ideas, anyone?
after workshopping this, I realized it might work as well...
greetings from the other side
cockroach upside down
By the way, I don't have a strong argument for "cockroach" over the "red bike".... Willie, you have great instincts and vision as Sabaki and you could easily kick my ass as I curl up and play Gandhi.
I absolutely 100% vote for 'red bike'. It as a perfect follow-up to the 'shelter'.
Argue away, my brother; fall back and argue away ...
I'm writing in pronto; means I don't remember the verse exactly - it's been three seconds, after all.
No offense, I just don't have the same strong association with the cockroach - least not 'til I wake up as one.
By the way, 'shiny' is an absolutely perfect adjective!
# 86:
I get it! My brain is laughing its ass off!
Nice for a longer sequence. Save that bad-boy!
sacred cows
fly in formation
over the moon
Gimme somethin' juicy - be the sabaki that you want the world to become!
Ok, shiny it is... and now on to our (au-mn) verse. I look forward to reading the offerings.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I'm still with you...
maybe EC is busy with his house fire issues.... shall we continue?
Sorry; a response to the various Hindu schools of thought. Actually, it makes me angry, as does indoctrination.
Like a fool, I offered up the answer "then faith must be reality," in class discussion regarding explanation of the Brahman. Then prof whipped out the next chapter ... my bad!
Yes, house fires and school and work can be so daunting ; better to be an aesthetic? Just kidding, it's no laughing matter, unless you're a "maggot", as I am. A true believer.
Does anyone have an offer? Is mine too obtuse?
Oy vey! I overlooked that verse as an insider exchange from one religious schlolar to another. I actually like it and it links in a fun way. Although, so much for easing up at the end?
Yeah man, why not!
Scholarship! LOL!
I follow an endless white line into the void ... drywall. Now that's for real, man! I shit you not!
My job's so easy - just follow the lines.
Naw, seriously, "cows..." 'zat make any sense? yeah, no? Got sumpin'?
# 95:
As apology, I offer this: it just popped in there. You know what I'm sayin'?
#96 Like John, I did not realize your 'flying cows' were an official offering here. I do like it as a reference to children's nursery rhymes linking back to the bicycle. I do believe my muse is playing a game of hide and seek with me this week. I've played with a few, none to my liking.
# 97:
in the bomb shelter
an old can of
pork and beans / eric (ns)
a shiny red bike
clears a path of pigeons / john (ns)
the mute boy's face
become a bright moon
turned up with wonder
the mute boy's face
become a bright moon,
eyes wide in wonder
# 98:
That's it, the alliteration:
the mute boy's face
become a bright moon,
wide-eyed with wonder
Degachi call for autumn ageku!
# 99:
no its not; listen to the cadence - OK, I think I have it now.
Degachi for ageku!
nice Willie, I like the change you made to the verse.
since degachi...
go plant rice young man
an optimist would
...just came to mind, don't know if it works. I'd love to hear from EC or TM
plant a rose of sharon
she's an optimist
...still working on this thought of mine...
oops (rose of sharon bush-blossom) reference above, oh well.
another one:
pirouette of a maple leaf
as it comes to rest
pirouette of a maple leaf
being seen not heard
being seen, not heard
pirouette of a maple leaf
(better)
ok I'll move on now
Interesting ... Mr Carley may have referenced (or was it paplinda?) a bit of cesaura (cut) in ageku is OK; not that I have any problem with it, it just sprang to mind.
'...seen, not heard', and then the leaf, slowly, coming to rest. Nice touch.
Thought about this a minute; would you consider? -
seen, but not heard;
a maple leaf's piroeutte
Less direct a reference to "the mute boy", maybe, fewer syllables (for contrast to maeku) and tighter focus on the leaf, I think.
Included the article, though Japanese have none (nor Russian, I'm told)
What do our other team members have up their sleeve?
Willie, I think all of the day laborers have gone home and its just us.
Degachi for age-ku. Give me what you've got Willie!
Hang tight, Johnny; this dalit has to go to school!
#109:
Monday, Jan. 31:
Let's give 'er a day, pard - our mates could be indisposed.
Well, old son, I can't top the 'maple leaf'. Let 'er rip.
I think this might be a damn good poem - let's review it.
Got time for some koyomi? Two authors, switch in the middle?
12 verses, two sides. Issa's Snail has one - 'Spring Melancholy and the Red Door'. Ours would be the second one in English. I've thought about this for some time.
Retreat to Renga-Haiku Bandit Society. What the Hell, I'll post a header ...
# 111:
Hey, look! # 111
A title: Deep In The Grove?
i like it. Well done Willie!
Thank Robin!
And Eric and you, too.
hokku: verse 1: Robin
wakiku: verse 2: John
You have them crossed up.
I like this poem!
I'm still working on a couple of hokku for our next endeavor.
Thank you Willie, John, and Eric...the more I read this the more I like it. I apologize again for leaving without a word. So much going on and some unexpected travel with my daughter. Have a glorious day...
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